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news [04 Dec 2005|06:52pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

anyway, the BBQ/grill/dinner event didn't go so badly, people did show up, just not as many as planned...have left over fish and used the steak for breakfast the next day.

other than that...now the week is begining, maschine is tomorrow night, infirmary on weds, bauhaus on friday, thermal detonator's Bday on saturday.. so we'll see how many events we can get through.

I feel kinda sick, had a sore throat the last two days but that is all.

anyway, back to boredom


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boring [01 Dec 2005|01:21pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Thursday's have got to be the most boring day of the week, everyone is busy, even after they finish whatever they are doing that day...tonight is that art exhibit, but I don't even think i'll be able to go, cause the event after is 21+. Gonna spend my day today, like I do the rest of the weekdays, alone,bored, nothing to do...maybe i'll go see if any good books are for sale. It's too close to the weekend, and should be having fun starting tonight.

Saturday, gonna be having a BBQ at my home, sometime in the afternoon, if interested call me at 310-701-2762.


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update [29 Nov 2005|01:23pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

I've decided to update this more often...with rants, happiness and future troubles...cause well, myspace sucks and I refuse to leave journal entries on it.

So, right now, I'm sitting here listening to music, just got done playing a game, and i've spent all morning thinking about shit, Phil wakes me up this morning to tell me of his adventures in life, which is cool and all...but sleep man, I couldn't get back to sleep because of it.

I'd go looking for a job, but considering I start school in January, I don't want to...although I wouldn't mind having something to do. I really am thinking about things too much, I just need to get into a robotic trance of doing something that has really no meaning at all, and video games aren't gonna cut it.

It's nice being single again, although I do miss some of the attributes of a relationship...you know, constant sex, and someone to hold close when watching a movie...someone to talk to about your most intimate details and secrets...but you don't need to be in a relationship for those things. Unless ofcourse you're me, and not good enough for casual anything...but i'm definately long term material..atleast that's the way it seems and works out.

Anyway, i've decided my goals for the upcoming future, december 17th, get certed in CPR. Jan 10th start EMT school, march 21st finish EMT school, sometime after that, i'd like to go on a trip, possibly a roadtrip with some friends...if I can get some friends to go. after the trip, start applying to work at different ambulance companies, and/or hospitals. After working a few months, hopefully have enough money saved to go out and rent a place of my own...not like where i'm living is so bad...it's just I want to have my own pad, where my friends and I can all hang out. After that, depending on how work goes and what not, I will start on Paramedic school after about a year, and we'll see what goes from there.

Also over the course of the next year and some, I will be hoping to attend various events, concerts and clubs and will tell you about those when the time comes along.

Until next time

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Conflicted [27 Nov 2005|10:32pm]
[ mood | exanimate ]

I am in a conflicting position at the moment, two things I can do...both of which will end for the worse for me, I can do nothing about it...in which case, other's wouldn't benefit.

It's difficult, because sometimes what you want or are looking for is right under your nose...and you don't realize it, or you just deny it, and go for the "better" of all things, in reality it's not.

It's frustrating trying to get your point across, trying to get someone to understand or see it, but they don't or won't, maybe it's my fault, maybe I don't have it right...maybe what i'm doing is wrong?

Maybe I should go get drunk more, become an alchoholic, get fucked up on drugs and than i'll be accepted?...maybe I should go get twacked out, and be a complete asshole to the people I love and cherish...than they'll see me.

But I won't, because if I did that...I run the risk of losing my friends, myself and those I love, something is going to happen soon, and I am the only one that will lose, and it's why I don't want to do anything about my conflict, if I went for it, these people would be happy..and that's the way it should be right?

I sacrifice my own happiness, desires, and own fun in some situations, to let other's have fun to do what they need to do to have fun, they get drunk,high, fucked on whatever, while I sit, wait and watch, it's what I do, i'm not a boring person, I like to go out, have fun,travel and enjoy myself, I'd love to go out and be completely uninhibited, but no one will be there for me, no one will drive me home when i'm utterly drunk...so I have to keep doing it myself, for myself, for the people I love, because they are my only friends, and if I lost them, than where would I be?

I have to remain boring old me, because without me , my friends might not be able to enjoy themselves as much, they might not be able to go out to the clubs, and dance, while getting drunk, and than get home safely. I am getting sick of it, it's not like I want to go out and get fucked beyond belief on whatever the drug of choice is that night.

I just want to get away, I need to get away, because what I truly want, doesn't and I try to hard and lose, and those that don't try at all ,win...what is wrong with that?...why does it happen that way?

there really is no point, why am I writing this shit...I have no friends on here, no one's going to read it...I guess I needed to vent, and no one is there for me...because i'm always there for someone else.

I give up, I really do, there is no point in searching, winning, going for what you want..just going is enough I guess.

there is a lot more I need to express to people, I have things I need to say, but i'm afraid that they'll just ignore it, not understand, or give a shit, it's almost useless.

I feel used, actually, they all use me, constantly...but I let them, I say it's fine, but get nothing in return, not even a shoulder to explain myself on, not even someone to hug or cuddle with, I miss that, I miss being able to get close to someone, and just make them feel good, make me feel good, I've worked to hard to make others happy, give others pleasure, sacrifice my own, although I feel happy that I help them, I feel good...but sometimes that's not enough, I want to feel cared for, loved, cherish, Like I care for them, Love them, Cherish them.

Women, my ex and I just recently broke up, it was a stressful relationship, I've lost 2 years of my life, that I wish I could have spent with someone else, and now, i'm out living the life I would have loved to have had, the people I would have loved to have known then, and been with since, and now, i'm alone, but I have friends...who I see a few times a week, one who is a drunk who wants little girls, one who is a tweaker and lies to his girl friend and she is great but also cheated on him, one who's boyfriend wants to cheat on her,and his girlfriend who is just wonderful but has a lot to learn about her situation, and another who is a lesbian, who is prolly the most appreciative out of the group. There is another, who I think is the greatest person of all of these, who isn't my drunken best friend, she is someone who I could tell anything too, except one thing so back to women...
Women don't want guys like me...they want guys like the above mentioned, they want someone who is an asshole, "dangerous", "daring", so forth and so on, "protection". they don't want someone who can actually have a conversation with them about things in life, someone who can cuddle with them and read a book, someone who CAN protect them, but they obviously think i'm not good enough to protect them, someone who would treat them with the utmost respect, care and would treat them how a woman should be treated. but woman don't accept that, they want someone who will beat them over bullshit reasons, they want someone who is an utter failure, who doesn't goto school, they want someone who won't be anywhere in 5 years, 10 years.. someone who prolly couldn't give you the time of fucking day if they didn't know you.

Honorable, Loyal, Trusting, Loving, Caring, Protective, Stable, Laidback, Nerdy, Fairly Intelligent, Active in the sense I go out and enjoy myself when I can.
all that shit mentioned above...that's what women think they want, but obviously dont', not when they go after the big badass looking guy, with tattoos, a motorcycle, grizzly fuck beard, and a complete asshat, who will turn psycho on you, beat you infront of your children, or friends for that matter, someone who will totally disrespect you, yeah, that's what women REALLY want.

Sounds like a fucking personal ad, I should go do that shit, post a fucking personal ad, maybe i'll meet someone...oh wait, NM they all want some fucking asshole. great, so i'm fucked for life...all the assholes out there, get beautiful, intelligent women, who think they can change them, who think they are cool because they are sooooo masculine...well fuck that shit, I get shit because I try to be respectful, and show my loyalty where it should be.

So much more i'd like to say, do, without screwing up somewhere along the line, i've already said to much, i've dug myself into a hole, and I've got a lot of shit to dig out of now. But, it needed to be said, done, expressed, cause it's been continually growing inside me...and i'm just sick of it, sick of dealing with it, sick of not having anyone by my side when I need them.

Loyalty, Honor and Truth until death.


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Disappoint, Assemblage 23 [17 Feb 2003|12:25pm]
Just one more time
For the sake of sanity
Tell me why
Explain the gravity
That drove you to this
That brought you to this place
That pushed you down
Into the soil's embrace

Give me the chance
I was denied
To sit and talk with you
For one last time

Did I disappoint you?
Did I let you down?
Did I stand on the shore
And watch you as you drowned?
Can you forgive me?
I never knew
The pain you carried
Deep inside of you.

I can't forget
Having to see
The words that knocked the wind
Right out of me
It's not enough
I've come undone
Trying to find sense
Where there is none

Just give me peace
You owe me that
To help ward off the fears
I must combat


And so I ask
For one more chance
To understand
This senseless circumstance
Help me to see
This through your eyes
The reasons I've been trying
To surmise
been told 1 time| tell me to write more

here. [16 Feb 2003|10:49pm]
[ mood | confused ]

don't hate me for what has happened...please, i wish to be friends...i want to, i don't want it any other way...please talk to me...i'd like that. We never had that before, i tried changing...it will take time...im sure we can be good friends...but that is your decision....for i cannot make you decide what you want. i never knew what you wanted...i never knew what to do..so i ask you, be my friend and i'll be yours. we can help eachother through this, and make it easier for both of us. you've always been there for me, im always here for you..so don't block me out for what happened...open up to what can become...

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why? [16 Jan 2003|10:31pm]
Life is what i would call a waste, people live and die everyday. you can physcically live, but to truly live to have an emotional experience that is worth while. to lie, cheat,deceive through your life, is truly a grounds to be destroyed. My personal experience leaves me to say, always be faithful no matter what, do not lie, cheat or use who you care for, in the end everyone will be hurt, do not try to take someone from who they love, once again everyone will be hurt, i am now in the dark, alone, full of disappointment,hate,anger and sadness. at first it might all seem good and dandy, but after you fail, there is only torment. The feeling makes you think, why live my life if all i will have is torment and suffering. The courage is shown when yuo die, i do hope that day comes forth. i will greet death as a friend and offer no fight. eventually everyone will understand, we all must die. But how you live your life is a determining factor. live your life how you want. because in the end we are truly alone, you are your greatest friend and your greatest enemy. pain and suffering is all we live at the end...so dont lose your friends, for they are all you have til you die..than you have only yourself. My pain is, ive lost two people i care for, and my suffering is the torment i have to face because of what i have done wrong, for i am not good enough as a person, for anyone. so i ask you, what is the point of living, for i am useless, i welcome death to ease my pain and suffering, but i do not search for him.
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hmm test..me speak..rare...hmm [10 Oct 2002|12:30am]

You are a Wizard!

Take the "How Do You Use Magic?" test! Written by Brimo

hahahahaha.....bye..be back in 10 years
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miss [12 Aug 2002|11:03pm]
i miss nay:(...tell her to come home now=)
been told 1 time| tell me to write more

wow...i forgot LJ existed...its 6:30 in the morning [06 Aug 2002|06:23am]
AHHH why does nay have to goto florida=(
oh well..must by her a birth day gift...muhahaha
..what does she want...
i am tired..not really...but its 630 and i need to get my hair cut today..

Which Hellsing character are you?
been told 2 times| tell me to write more

sick [08 Jun 2002|11:25pm]
being sick on the day of ren faire sucks=/
been told 1 time| tell me to write more

hello [05 Mar 2002|09:03am]
[ mood | IN pain ]

hi everyone...yes i took a test:P anyway i had fun at snowboarding ..interesting story btw....and sorry for your comp problems nay=P...but atleast yours works....
missing school cause i twisted my nut so i gotta goto the doctor...
anyway..might need operation..depending on diagnosis...later

oh yeah almost forgot

What is your meaning of life?
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lalala [20 Feb 2002|10:54pm]
hello everyone..its wednesday yay im tired..alright im gonna go do somethin..bye
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bahhh says frank [19 Feb 2002|12:57am]
anyway..renee wants me to writemore on here..i am i swear....
anyway this weekend was somewhat fun got lots o cash...went out with nay friday...hung out with her over the weekend...saw some movies..rented some....and currently i am gettin ready to goto bed for school today...or tomorrow or in about 6 hours...which ever comes first?
BTW i took another test...original eh?

I Am A: Lawful Good Dwarf Fighter Paladin

Lawful Good characters are the epitome of all that is just and good. They believe in order and governments that work for the benefit of all, and generally do not mind doing direct work to further their beliefs.

Dwarves are short and stout, and easily recognizable by their well-cared-for beards. They are hard workers, and adept at stonework and engineering. They tend to live apart from other races; generally in deep, underground excavated systems, and as such tend to be distant from other races.

Primary Class:
Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn't to say that they aren't intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.

Secondary Class:
Paladins are the Holy Warriors. They have been chosen by a God/dess to be their representative on Earth, and must follow the code of that deity, or risk severe penalties. They tend towards being righteous, but not generally to excess.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan!

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LEET [11 Feb 2002|10:08pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Are you Addicted to the Internet?


L33T H@x0r (81% - 100%)
You live and breathe the Internet. You rarely leave your computer(s) for fear of going through withdrawl. You are beginning to say "lol" and "brb" in verbal conversations and you haven't seen your friends face-to-face in months if you don't count their web cams. Maybe it is time to back away from the computer slowly and go get some fresh air? The Internet will be here when you get back!

The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Stvlive.com!

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hello [07 Feb 2002|05:12pm]
[ mood | sick ]

i am sick=/ stayed home from school and slept til 1:30..hahaha imawake:P

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hola [29 Jan 2002|08:00pm]

You're a sullen, quiet kind of guy, until someone annoys you then there goes your short fuse! You're ruggedly good-looking and talented (at music, particularly), so you're virtually an idol and popular with the opposite sex, but you probably couldn't care less about that now, could you?

Which Insane Bishounen are YOU?
brought to you by angel rising

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sup [28 Jan 2002|11:09am]
[ mood | amused ]

cooool im the same as nay:P

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hiaa [27 Jan 2002|11:02pm]
hello everyone...how are ya?....alright been busy lately..anyway just sayin hello
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for once i didnt cheat! [17 Jan 2002|11:40pm]
# 1 Gimli
# 2 Peregrin Took (Pippin)
# 3 Eomer
# 4 Eowyn (My favorite!)
# 5 Meriadoc Brandybuck (Merry)
# 6 Legolas
# 7 Boromir
# 8 Faramir
# 9 Treebeard (Fangorn)
# 10 Barliman Butterbur
# 11 Grima Wormtongue
# 12 Lord of the Nazgul (Witch-King of Angmar)
# 13 Theoden
# 14 Bilbo Baggins
# 15 Elrond
# 16 Gollum (Smeagol)
# 17 Saruman
# 18 Aragorn (Strider)
# 19 Frodo Baggins
# 20 Denethor
# 21 Gandalf Mithrandir
# 22 Samwise Gamgee (Sam)
# 23 Sauron
# 24 Tom Bombadil
# 25 Galadriel
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